![]() ![]() Then this woman slowly and calmly lowers her phone before shouting: “Girls! Pay attention! I don’t have all day!” While they chattered away, I stood nervously anticipating what was to come. We were getting ready for a party, and mum insisted on a group picture with all my “girlfriends” (which was not the cool way to refer to your besties when you’re a 15-year-old in 2014, by the way). When I was in the 10th grade, she yelled at my friends for not looking at the camera. What resulted was a photo of me trying not to smile, and thus the most mortifying photo to ever exist - like ever - was born. Because of biometric security or something. I do my best smize, with a slightly raised eyebrow, thinking it will be any second now before I get scouted to model at this local Stockland.īut then the camera man yells at me, because I look like a bloody idiot. This is only embarrassing because she thought it would be funny if I bared all my shiny white teeth for the man at the post office (I had no idea your mouth had to be closed for a passport photo. She told me to smile “with my teeth” for my passport photo. If you’re reading this mum, just know you spoiled something that could have been really great for me.ģ. Then and there, my illusion of a perfect life with my kinda-sorta-cousin-but-not-really-at-all was shattered. (I inherited that laugh too on my 18th birthday). My future husband and mother giggled in that haughty way adults do when they've said something utterly hilarious at the expense of a child ![]() ![]() Right in front of him, she showed just how much of a kid I was by telling me to put some veggies on my dinner plate. Well, I did believe that… until my mum had to go and ruin everything. ![]() Truly, I believed we would end up together - once I finally managed to outgrow my netball sneakers and khaki pants phase, that is. I had the world’s biggest crush on a fully grown 19-year-old when I was just a 10-year-old with mismatched socks and an endlessly runny nose. He was 10 years older than me, but still. She once scolded me in front of my crush. Later on, my crush will tell me he saw me running out on the field, and before I can respond to ask if he liked my terrible incredible performance, he It doesn't matter because I am officially dying inside.Įveryone is cheering when I finally make it to the end, but I am red-faced and mortified. She's come to join me, push me, motivate me. It’s a humbling experience and one, that in all honesty, completely sobers me up when I am stumbling home from a night out.īut you know what takes the cake? I’m literally seconds away from throwing the world’s biggest tantrum, and then all of a sudden, there is my mum, in her Kathmandu puffer jacket, without even a hint of sweat glistening on her forehead, cooly running alongside But when push comes to shove, I am the last person out of the other 100 kids to finish. My friends say we can run alongside each other. But she certainly isn't buying any of it because a few minutes later, I'm doing stretches to prepare for this bulls**t.Įveryone is really proud of me. I promise to do all the dishes, to hang out all the laundry. I’m mum’s oldest of four daughters, so naturally she forces me to be brave and do everything first.Īnd because mum cannot stand the fact I have refused to involve myself in any of the day's activities - aside from recess and lunch - she makes me take part in the last race of the day: the two kilometre cross-country run. I am a chubby kid, with a penchant for being chauffeured on push bikes by my sisters instead of actually riding them myself. It’s the first grade and I am at my first ever athletics carnival. She made me take part in an 2km cross country race. I've blocked a lot of my childhood out (solely for my sanity), but there's still a lot to be said for what I can (unfortunately) remember, so I thought what better time to share than the present. She lives overseas now, and it would take her a hell of a long time to get to me just to clip my ear so I’m taking my chances here by sharing some of the many ( many) moments where my mother has embarrassed the living heck out of me. ![]()
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